He was so cheap he wouldn’t give two nickels for a dime!




Skinflint was so miserly that he would boil a neck bone to make stew and then boil it again so as not to waste the aroma. His miserly ways and unscrupulous business practices made him a very lonely man indeed; that is, until he learned a valuable lesson from the most unlikely of characters, a red squirrel.


It was a splendiferous day in late October when the red squirrel scurried into town. Squirrels mostly don’t bother people, but the fact that there are so many of them is not always a good thing for humans. Then again, you might say the same thing about people if you were a squirrel.

As fate would have it, both Skinflint and the red squirrel had dibs on the same collection of trash. Ole Skinflint poked through the garbage can. The red squirrel bounced out of the can and landed on the ground near Skinflint’s feet.

He kicked the squirrel and it dropped an acorn that was lodged in its mouth. Skinflint picked up the acorn and studied it. The squirrel peered at the acorn with anticipation. Skinflint was so miserly that he could not bring himself to part with the acorn.

Ole Skinflint placed the acorn in his pocket and continued riffling through the trash.

The squirrel zipped back toward Skinflint and he booted it once more, sending it several feet into the air. The squirrel sat on its hind legs. It frantically rubbed its front paws and twitched its nose, all the time staring at Skinflint in quiet contemplation.

Skinflint’s hand wrapped around a milk bottle. He withdrew it from the can and launched it at the squirrel. The squirrel darted aside and then charged toward Skinflint, its legs spread wide and its tail flaunted as its little body rushed toward its opponent. The squirrel let out the loudest war-whoop and launched itself into the air. It slammed into Skinflint’s chest, then quickly bounded off onto a nearby tree. The squirrel conceded the battle and scurried off into the brush.

The electric power lines were no match for the red squirrel’s large gnawing incisors. The squirrel had four teeth that were constantly growing. It was relentless. It did not cease its chomping and nibbling until the power line was cut clean through.

The power line snapped. Electric sparks spewed when the cable touched the ground, causing it to jump and wiggle like a rope dangling in a breeze.

Skinflint’s abode suddenly went dark. He flicked a light switch up and down then looked out the front window. He observed that all of the houses in the area were dark when he saw the red squirrel sitting on his window ledge.